The Four Points Tour: Know the Players

To be sure that this year’s attempt at the ever-elusive Four Points Tour of Awesomeness succeeds, we have assembled a crack team of Roadtrippers—individuals with years of experience in holding it for the long haul. In this Four Points update, we’ll meet this team of shadowy professionals and plumb the depths of their wanderlust.

Operative 01: Nicholas

AKA: The Architect
Codename: Princess
Specialty: Documentation
Roadsnack of Choice: Bananas

Princess has had an itch to circumnavigate this island ever since he didn’t request it as his placement on JET. It’s still unclear whether it was he or Fire Bush who initially came up with the idea for the original Four Points Tour of Awesomeness, but it is definitely Princess who held so tenaciously to the idea of circumnavigating the island, becoming so obsessed with the idea of performing the roadtrip solely on coastal roads that he was caught trying to “liberate” a section of coastal highway long-ago fenced off when a much more convenient tunnel was built to bypass it. If anything of note happens on the Four Points Tour, you can bet that Princess will be documenting it photographically and with a “Dear Diary” entry.

Operative 02: Lindsay
AKA: The Driver
Codename: Padfoot
Specialty: Rapid Evac
Roadsnack of Choice: Seico-brand Fried Chicken

Padfoot has been a seasoned roadtripper ever since the initial team of her, Princess, and Fire Bush set out to blaze across the island of Hokkaido one year ago. Though many of the operatives on the Four Points tour have driven the narrow, winding roads of Japan, Padfoot is the only one who can claim to have racked up hundreds of hours on the wrong side of the road. She holds the dubious honour of having christened a stretch of highway through Sarobetsu the “Hokkaido Autobahn” by virtue of having blown down it at speeds the road had never imagined and hasn’t seen since.

Operative 03: Mark
AKA: The Pathfinder
Codename: Fire Bush
Specialty: Cartography and Logistics
Roadsnack of Choice: Volcano Rings and Ninja Chips

Though Princess may have been the one to dream up a circumnavigation of Hokkaido in nine days, Fire Bush is the one who will make it happen. On last year’s voyage, it was Fire Bush who guided Princess and Padfoot to the summit of Mount Rishiri and back again in an impossible time of seven hours. And, when it comes time to venture into the dark, bear-infested wilds of Shiretoko on the Four Points Tour, it will be to Fire Bush (and his massive set of low-hangers) that the operatives turn to find their way out of the forest alive.

Operative 04: Heather
AKA: The Voice
Codename: Dubbs
Specialty: Japanese Decryption
Roadsnack of Choice: Oden

Dubbs is the operative on the Four Points Tour with the firmest grasp on the Japanese language. So complete is her mastery of Nihongo that she was once refused her own reservation at a hotel because the hotel manager refused to believe that she was the same Japanese native speaker who had called to reserve the room. Dubbs has already put her decryption skills to work securing transport for the Tour, as well as lodging and food for the operatives along the way. Should the operatives be faced with a linguistic impasse once their mission is underway, it will be Dubbs who saves their bacon.

Operative 05: Sonomi
AKA: The Outsider
Codename: Sonomo
Specialty: Japanese Infiltration
Roadsnack of Choice: PAN!

Though not technically based in Hokkaido, as are the rest of the Four Points team, Sonomo’s ties to the island run much deeper than any temporary teaching contract. She is able to trace her lineage back to a secret sect of fishermen samurai who once inhabited the then-bustling fishing town of Furubira on the Shakotan peninsula. She is the only operative who was born in Japan and the only operative who, in a pinch, could probably pass for a Japanese national. Exactly why the team would prioritize including a cultural infiltrator is unclear, but as they have planned for every other eventuality, you can be sure they had a good reason for appointing her to the job.