Uniformity 2.5 - Of Gaijin and the Goblin King

One of the advantages to being a foreigner and sticking out like a sore thumb in Japan is that no matter how messed up you act/dress/are, the Japanese will lump it all in together under the banner of “those crazy Gaijin.” I remember back at the Noboribetsu Jigoku Matsuri (Hell Festival), I flipped down my oni mask, hid in some bushes, and proceeded to terrorize some Japanese children. The retrogressive nature of the situation was delicious as some of the more pejorative views of foreigners by the Japanese over the years have resulted in them likening us to slobs, barbarians, and, in extreme cases, demons. So here I was, playing the demon and jumping out at these kids before scampering away down the path in front of them, thrusting my fingers in the air in imitation of the oni dance. The kids were midway between screams and laughter, and their parents smiled, saying only “cheeky gaijin!”

And that’s the way of it. The most mental, certifiably straightjacketable north american public offenses can be gotten away with, scot-free, in Japan under the broad banner of Gaijin Eccentricity. I mean, with the absolute lack of street crime here in J-land, you’re not going to get away with anything malicious (in fact, the cops are twice as likely to nab you for it because you’re a foreigner), but as long as you stay on this side of the evil gaijin line and stick to eccentricities, people are just going to point and laugh.

So I’ve made it my unofficial goal to take advantage of this exemption from social decorum when the opportunity presents itself. I try my damndest to represent for polite gaijin in important settings like the onsen and at meals, wherein wavering from the rules brands you as more of an ass than an eccentric. However, in less formal situations, where a little bit of eccentricity isn’t going to irreparably harm foreigners in the eyes of the Japanese, I can get a little crazy.

The realization that you’re going to be conspicuous no matter what you do is freeing in a way, and it leaves me feeling freer to pull off stunts I might not have the courage to attempt in Canada. It inspired me to show up in two different costumes, days before Hallowe’en, at my junior and senior high schools. And tonight at a HAJET-hosted, 80’s-themed winter ball, I intend to get a little crazy while simultaneously fulfilling one of my greatest dreams:

To dress up like Jared: The Goblin King (or, more accurately, David Bowie FromTheNineteenEightySixMovieLabyrinth), obscenely large package and all.

Such a feat would take a lot of gusto to pull off in Canada, where you’d be judged on sight for looking like such a fruit in public. I mean, you could do it in Canada, you’d just need back up the outfit with balls the size of…well, I guess the size of Bowie’s in that ridiculous costume.

However, in Japan we’re all already judged on sight, and the Japanese have—pretty much—already passed judgment on all of us Gaijin being absolute lunatics, so, really, there’s nothing to lose :)

So bring on the Dance Magic Dance!

And if you are one of the poor, unfortunate souls who has not yet seen the Jim Henson/George Lucas/Frank Oz wonder that is the Labyrinth, go check it out. It moves the imaginations of children, and it is a good way to accompany booze for adults. Plus, where else are you going to see David Bowie trying to seduce a near-pubescent Jennifer Connelly in the role she'd just as soon forget :P